You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's blow job season.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
