I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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