just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
