cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
