So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
