i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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