Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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