I seem to have left my pride at pride
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
