I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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