I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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