Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
