I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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