Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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