every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
