Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
