Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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