just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
