Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
