Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
birth control should be required to get into college
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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