Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
