Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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