The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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