Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i've created a new STD.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
