so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
