He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
