Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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