I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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