tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize