I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
