There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
