I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
