hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Alive.
So much puke
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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