I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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