i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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