Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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