Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
