Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it's like iHOP with fire
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize