dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
