Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
