i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
