i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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