don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
