At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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