I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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