It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
