bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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