if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
