whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
