She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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