My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
