Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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