making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
