Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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