after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
