apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
