I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
