he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
