At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
