dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
