so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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