hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
