How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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