Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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