Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize