It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
