the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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