dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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