my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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