I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
