My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
