I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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