Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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