My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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