I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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